Roller Coaster - Chapter 14

I had no idea how long I cried, nor had I any idea how long I nested in that embrace. I felt as though I could stayed there forever.

A pair of hands plummeted upon my head. My head was screaming of pain and anger, my heart was screaming of torture. When will all these ever end... My only wish was to lead a peaceful life all over again.

"Give me some peace please..." I begged, with the volume no higher than a whisper.

"I'm sorry Lynn... but I have to let you go for now."

It took me awhile to make out the owner of the voice. Benji? It can't be, he loved me so...

I summoned all my gallantry and lifted my head. It felt as though an enormous hammer whacked against my friable head. I felt as though I was in hell, burning up agonizingly.

"I'm so sorry..." His voice trailed away as he dropped me out of his embrace, leaving me on the ground.

It was the first time I actually realized I was still alive. Albeit also the first time I did not wish to be alive. I buried my face into my palm.

I heard footsteps coming near me.

I did not want anyone to touch me no more... The person sat next to me for very long. I didn't realize how late it was, and eventually fell against the person. I guess I was too worn out and really needed rest.

I wished I was really dead and burning in hell, because it will never be as excruciating as this...

Roller Coaster - Chapter 13

I continued weeping like a lost child. I bawled so hard, I thought my veins at my temples were going to snap. I did not care, I just wanted to let my sorrow out. It was not as if I met with a catastrophe, yet somehow I felt my heart dying slowly under a big rock, that I could not breathe, I could not live. Life was slowly being sucked out of me.

"Oh no... Sorry, Lynn. I shouldn't have... I'm so sorry." Dexter admitted his guilt. I shrugged off his hand from my shoulder. I did not want to be touched or comforted by anyone. I wanted to be isolated.

"What the **** are you doing to her!" It was the same familiar voice I heard a few hours ago. The profanity revolted me - I never heard one from Benji before.

I was grabbed out of the bench by Benji's tenacious pull. It hurt, but it did not matter, as long as I was back to Benji. I needed no more confusion, and never needed on in the first place.

"What? Ask her why she cried! It's because of you, bastard! You and that... bitch!"

"Stop! Stop it! Say no more! Now leave me alone!" I managed to be freed out of Benji's obstinate grip.

Don't look back, Lynn... Never look back. I continued to run. I did not care if I was directionless, what mattered was that I was freed from trouble, ephemerally.

Fleeting as it was, I was pulled back by someone in the midst of my runaway. Astonishingly, I stayed in that pair of arms. It was really tired to run away, I needed refuge, I needed rest. I wanted all these to stop, and pretended as if nothing happened at all.

Lyrics: Questions to God

I only have the chorus now... I'm still working on it.

Chorus:
How much more are You willing to die for me?
How much more are You willing to set me free?
How much deeper is Your love for me?
My Lord, my God
How much do You love me?

Roller Coaster - Chapter 12

"If it weren't for that, you could still be in my arms," he whispered into my ears as we embraced. How I wished time would stop that very second.

He held me back. I looked at his soccer jersey, it was wet. His sweat dried up, and it was wet again with my tears.

"Woo, your tears flowed like faulty water tap, did they?" He teased.

I looked up at his face, and saw his smile. It had been awhile since I saw that. In fact, it had been months. Three quarter of a year, to be exact. I did not realize how much I miss every part of him.

I missed the way he smiled from the way he smelled. Every part of him seemed so captivating right now.

"I'm sorry, Dex. I'm sorry to bother you. I thought..."

"Hush, not a word," He silenced me like a magic skill, and pulled me to his chest again. "If I could, I'll make you mine again."

My heart dropped. I wished it would happen, that I was his again, so I would not have to worry about Benji with Rachel...

Wait, what about Rachel? I suddenly remembered. The vivid image of her hooking his reluctant arms just a day ago, before my party.

Dexter seemed to hear my thoughts, "Rachel and I... We aren't together. Stay away from that bitch. She was the one..."

I pulled myself back and looked at him in my fiercest looking face. Well, I thought I did a good job, considering the amount of time I spent in front of the mirror practicing various expressions. "Don't ever call her that. Ever."

"Let me finish. She broke us apart. I didn't kiss her, I didn't sleep with any other girls. In fact, to be honest with you, I'm still a virgin, okay. Sorry."

Please, Lord, don't remind me what happened again...

"Shit," I started crying again. I was amazed at my river of tears. I realized that I would never forget that episode of drama in my life.

Roller Coaster - Chapter 11

I never expected I would fall in Dexter's arms again, and never had I expected that I would cry so hard in front of him. I never did that ever since we ended our relationship months ago.

I felt relieved. To make it worse, I was so surprised I felt understood by him. I was never a fan of a tofu-heart girl. I never wanted to be one. I never wanted to be so soft in front of guys. Especially guys like Dexter. To my horror, it did not feel like a nightmare to me.

"I've never seen you cry this badly. Mind tellin' me what happened?" He actually showed me concern, after months that we did not have contact with each other.

I just cried. To be honest, I sobbed even harder. I felt my eyes turning sore. The thing was, I could not care less. I just wanted to cry in his arms forever. I wanted him to pat me like he used to in the past.

I miss you... I thought. Never had I realize that this was exactly the reason why I cried.

"'S alright, sweetheart. Cry as long as you want. I can be here for you all night long," he said.

I felt bad. Really bad. Words can never be enough to describe the guilt I had in me. However, a part of me wanted to hug him even tighter. This part of me was dominating.

The next thing I knew, we were hugging each other.

Benji, I'm sorry...

What monster had I become? I did not know. All I knew was I wanted to stay like this forever.

Bitch. I called myself that.

Roller Coaster - Chapter 10

I had the weirdest dream ever. It was absolutely unbelievable...

He laid above me. We had a blanket over us. I looked down to find my toes, and I had no idea why I wanted to do that. To my surprise, everything beneath was mosaic. Literally mosaic. Everything behind the mosaic was something like our skin colour.

We were making love.

No way. I would never do that before our marriage...

I suddenly stopped, stood up and went to the mirror by my bedside.

It wasn't me in the reflection. It was someone else.

It was her...

I felt my cheek muscles move, and I saw that her reflection was smiling slyly at... me. It ended off with an evil wink.

I tried to open my eyes. It was a rather unsuccessful attempt, as they were too heavy for my lids muscles to lift. I tried tweaking my "non-existent" fingers.

"Lynn?" someone just called my name.

"Is that you, Lynn?" the voice called out again.

Oh, I fainted?

Yes I am. I'm afraid I don't have the strength to speak now. Silly me even thought I could communicate through thoughts.

I felt someone lifting me up. I felt more than that - I felt revitalized and energized in my thoughts. My body felt stronger as I leaned on this fellow's chest. This familiar muscular chest. It was, surprisingly, comfortable.

I slowly separated my lids from my eyes. Everything was blurry, like a smudged painting. It slowly sharpened a little.

I tilted my head up to my saviour.

"No way," I used my energy to scream out the words, which only sufficed a squeak.

No way can it be Dexter.

He reached his hands up to my cheeks. That gesture was so familiar, he used to do that when we were together.

I closed my eyes and waited for him to brush his smooth hands against my hot cheeks like I always did. I waited for long before I opened up again and saw the shock on his face. He looked at this hands and pulled them back behind his back.

"I'm sorry, I forgot we aren't... I'm so sorry, Lynn, so sorry..."

A part of me wished we were still together. If not for the drama, we would have been rated the most perfect couple in the campus.

Just then, another tear flowed through my eyes.

He finally gave in. He cupped my face in his hands and brushed away the tear with his thumb.

Oh Lord, how I miss Dexter...